Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave

Hidden Away

Love the songs since the first time i heard. The song’s very meaningful, encouraging the people to express their love towards others instead of hiding them deep down in their hearts. I know this happen a lot in our society because we are not used to do it. We’re not brought up that way, to tell someone he or she is beautiful. What we do is that we usually say something less ‘embarassing’ instead, like ‘it looks fine’, but deep down u feel that the person’s dress is like one of the most breathtaking one in your life.
Let’s be brave and have the courage. You can make everyone happy by just saying how great they are

a picture does speak a thousand words

I bought a new camera recently, one that enables me to take dslr-like photo quality. Although it doesn’t look like one of those cameras used by professionals but i still like its compact size. I will not go reviewing the camera because i am poor in doing that. I just like it that’s all (since i have bought it).

Of course i like to take pictures. I would have buy a normal camera if i don’t like. Having said that, i have only used my camera for a few occasions only during my trips and all. I have not started playing with it yet. I guess its because i have not find the mood to do it?

So i suppose the thing i like about photographing is that i like to capture the moment. For me, it allows me to extract information and story out of the picture. And that trains my right brain, my creativity (even though i feel that i have none). And recently i came across some photos online which are submitted by ordinary people like us who use this particular brand of semi-pro camera. Not into the details here. Underneath the photos there are captions written by the person who took the photo. I just love it. Reading it and making sense of the photo is just like reading a book. Getting to know what is behind the picture. Knowing the significance of it. Understanding the intention of the figure in it.

If  i take some nice photos i will definitely post them here (nicer one will sell at millions of dollars $_$ – dreaming). That’s when i start taking photos and brush up my skills. First i need to cut of the price tag and wipe off the dust on the lens……

a new approach to life

Unofficially graduated. It has been more than a month now since my last paper. I remember that I actually felt empty, like all the other previous papers. But this time i also felt ‘lost’ like i don’t know what to do next.

I have always been dragging this issue. Of what i really want to do after i graduate. I did find out but never did i think that it would come so fast. I knew that some day i will be like now trying to answer my destiny. But just never expected it to happen. I suppose everyone knows that feeling when u realise that its time to make big decision in life. To some this might be just some small step in life. But its not like that for me. Maybe it’s because of my personality. I have to admit that i am not a person who likes to take risks. Yes no doubt i love challenges. But challenges without risk cannot be regarded as real challenges.

I was having a small chat with someone that i just got to know. He somehow makes me think about myself. Of what i have been doing all these while besides studying. I stared for a while trying to find the best thing that i have done lately. I tried to think hard of what i am good at and what i do during my past time. Nothing came into my mind. Seriously. It’s pathetic isn’t it. I can’t even think of one achievement. Or one hobby or interest that i have that stays for longer than one year. And i have this bad habit of not finishing something after that i have passionately begin with.

The irony is that i like to learn new things. Gain new experiences. Explore new interests. But these are simply contradictory to who i am, still, n0w. I always opt for change. And i know that i am on the way, just not as committed. I think that i think too far and this creates an obstacle for me to even reach there. I need to be able to think, make the decision, accept the consequences that it might lead to and take one step at a time.

I also realise something really funny about myself. It’s like a self-defence or what. I tend to get away from people who try to get to me. Simply put, i avoid people who treat me well. I have the mentality that i don’t deserve to be treated this well most of the time. Maybe it’s the way that i was brought up or maybe it’s because i simply scare to get close to people. Still learning about myself on this.

It’s time to have a new perspective in life. To see it in such a special way that no one else could. To appreciate the people and the world around me. And to be someone whom i have always wanted to be.

A constant reminder to myself: life is a journey in which you pick up valuable lessons and memorable experiences on the way.

9th November 2010

Let’s look forward to that day

I got flowers

Bumped into a beautiful poem today. I love reading poems. I like the message that the poems try to send. I enjoy reading them and appreciating the beauty and power of words. Here’s the poem written by Paulette Kelly. The words used are simple yet powerful.

I got flowers today.

It wasn’t my birthday

or any special day.

We had our first argument last night,
and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry
and didn’t mean the things he said
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

It wasn’t our anniversary

or any other special day.

Last night, he threw me into a wall
and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,

and it wasn’t Mother’s Day

or any other special day.

Last night, he beat me up again.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

Today was a very special day.

It was the day of my funeral.

Last night, he finally killed me.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.

To me, the poem is critising the woman for forgiving the man over and over again. lying to herself that her husband  realised his mistakes, simply because of the compensatory actions the man did AFTER the violence. This is happening in many countries where divorcing is seen as a taboo. And when children are born, things get more complicated. Let’s be understanding and open-minded.

re-evaluation life

Guess what? It’s the beginning of my mid-semester holiday, starting today – after less than 2 weeks of exam. Mixed feeling now. Not as excited as i thought before. Just relieved. Relaxed. And glad that i can stay away from the notes and books, for the first time in life.

It’s funny though, that i love studying since a very long time ago, and i started losing this passion since the beginning of this semester. So, for this exam, i just forced myself to study, with no soul and no heart. I wonder where my passion goes because i need the determination that it brings. I wonder whether it’s because i have not been having enough rest, as in long rest, since i did not really give myself holiday to recharge myself. I was busy with the 2 units i took during the 3-month break as well as working as a part time research assistant. Maybe my lack of focus is an indication of how tired i am. I need a rest seriously.

Yes, i always think that lying on the bed is a waste of time. Yes, i sometimes even think that watching a silly movie is a waste of time. And yes, i sometimes think that daydreaming is bad. But i think i need to reconsider these. I need to re-evaluate my perspectives. People often tell me that i am too stressed out all the time. They tell me that i should know when and how to relax myself. They make sense. I should not have held myself too much. I should be enjoying my life more. But at the same time i have to be able to manage my studies so that it will not be affected. This seems to be so idealistic, if i can do it correctly.

But i failed. For this semester. I have tried so hard to juggle both areas. I think i am still in the process of learning. And this is only part of the process. I learn something really important during the semester: HARDWORK DOES NOT EQUATE SUCCESS. So do not be hardworking and expect to get what you want. It doesn’t work that way. We need to WORK SMART. One can spend only half the time understanding one concept while others can use the whole day. Efficient studying is important.  Need to learn to master it. It will be even more important at workplace.

Also,  plans do not work all the time. You can have a future that you want in mind and it might be so great that you will want to start realising it now. But on the way towards the dream, you might discover more and learn about yourself and how you actually feel about it. And you will realise that you have been on the wrong track all the while. Then, you wish to reverse the time and follow the alternative path instead. Life doesn’t work that way i gotta say and unfortunately the only way to overcome it is to get over it, learn the lesson and look forward life. Since life does not go backwards, the only thing we can do is to do better in the future. Let time takes away the pain and suffering. It’s easier said than done. But that’s the only solution and we have no other choice if we don’t want to regret for the rest of our lives.

Life goes on. If other can survive through hardships in life, why can’t I ?

when it comes to money and empty promises…

I will build a school in this town. I will increase the budget for the development of this place. I will allow my dear Malaysians to apply for loans to further their education. I will do the best i can, believe me. And i will do these, IF ONLY, if only you CHOOSE me!!!

These sweet words. These conditional promises. These insincerities. These promises which will soon turn out to be only words that carry no weigh. These lies that we have heard over and over again.

Yet, we still fall for these meaningless promises. We are still so optimisitc and naive to have thought that they meant what they say this time. We want money and everything good. There’s nothing wrong with it, but definitely there’s something wrong with the way we get it. We are like beggars. We thirst for these material, which will never come true, and we do whatever that they want us to do. We are people with no dignity.

A true leader is one that serve his people instead of one that exchange support using these tricks. He is also one that will gain our support through his generosity towards all citizens. He must be forgiving. And he must not be one that uses money as an exchange for support, or he will be tagged as bribing.

Oh, we shall see how we suffr soon. And we shall see how we foolish we are to start expecting the plans and policies that had been promised by them. We will wait and wait and wait. And we will not see any progression. And by that time, we will start to get angry and start scolding. Yes, if we do them we are not punishing them. We are punishing how stupid we are.  And even if we are disappointed with them at this time, we will still be fooled by their sweet words next time, and so we will once again fall for their trap. And that’s why we never improved. We never move forward. We are to be blamed, not them, as we are those that support them in the first place.

Copenhagen Climate Conference speaks of who we are ?

It’s an embarrassment to have realised that no agreement was met in this conference. Countries did not come to a conclusion that the environment should be saved and that the natural disaster bombs are to ticking its way to their people, or did they? The leaders of the countries, especially a few ‘big’ countries, are not ready to sacrifice their most and only important concern – economy. Yes, this is the world that i think was used equally frequent in the conference as the word environment, at least that’s what playing in their minds during the whole period of the conference.

I should blame the people who are led by the leaders that attended the conference. Because they have chosen such selfish people to lead and represent them. And that makes the people equally selfish. Oh, should i not forget that the people too are so concern about their money that they have forgotten how the environment can, without any effort, ruin their sweet dreams of how rich they are going to be with all those mindless projects that are so-called benefiting the nation as proposed by the leaders. The leaders talk in such confidence of how the people in their country should live – in a modern, high-tech, p0verty-zero, convenient, safe… country. But there is one thing that is often left out in their policies, that is to create a green environment.

I have to admit there are some green policies that came into realisation. But are they just a way of fooling the public of how environmentally-friendly the leaders are? Are they showing the people that they love the environment so much that by simply building a dozen wind turbines is equivalent to loving the nature while they are approving projects that allow emission of so much carbon dioxide on the other side of the country? They like to act. And it’s a waste that the best actors do not go to the politicians even though they do not have any nominations. In fact, politicians should share this award with the businessmen who held no environmental responsibility. Oh, i think they can even get The Best Duo awards in any music award.

So, no agreement is made. Should we celebrate because our leaders are defensing our economic importance? Should we be glad that they are looking after our money and protecting our sweet dreams of making ever more money in the expense of the environmental? I doubt so. We should do our parts because the consequence of not taking care of the environment is no joke. It’s not like economic downturn where we can still survive even if we spend less. The natural disasters and loss of biodiversity is simply something we cannot bear and imagine. Should we only regret after ‘they’ arrive at your doorstep?

I must be on the fence where i should not selectively blame the countries because this is a problem of self-actualisation. Countries that are not ready to do as much, not pretending to do as much, have not realised. This is not a moral world, it’s a materialistic one where we no longer judge things based on our ethical instinct but only with brain that is made of cells and nothing else.

It’s interesting that people often use the world globalisation these years, but from the Copenhagen Climate Conference, it seems that this term does not work out its magic.

holiday oh holiday

It’s exactly one month after my final paper. It’s almost two weeks after i got my result. And it’s around 3 months before my next semester.

Second year just ended like that. I wasn’t shocked at all. After remmbering the hardworks and sacrifice that i had put in, i realised that it’s just too hard to say that these years pass by in a  blink of an eye.

And now i am on my way to third year. But first, i will need to deal with this holiday.

3 months is a long period of time. Most of my friends went for internship and attachment for these whole period and that will be good enough to use up all their time. For me, i don’t have any of these work to do. I am going to help in some research project and enroll in two units. That sounds to be a lot to do for me and i am going to be so busy that i won’t have time to enjoy my holiday. No?

In fact, i am feeling the total opposite. I feel that my holiday is still empty. I wonder why. With all these activities that i am going to engaged in, why do i still feel so empty and aimless. Maybe it’s because i simply don’t have enough rest? Or i am yet to experience something unforgettable this holiday.

I am still figuring out the reason while going through the holiday. And i wish that i can finally realise it before the end arrives!

life starts when i am ready

While i was doing my stuff today. I had an idea rushing to my brain.

“life only starts when i am ready to live it“

It was like i suddenly realise something important. Something that is already there but is only waiting for me to discover. To be honest, i was very happy and felt ‘enlighten’. Lol. Such a big word to be used i know.

Procrastination. Laziness. They are the obstacles that have been clouding my head, making me unable to move forward. Now that i have finally find out the already-known secret to overcome them, i will not give up. Because life has only just begun!