re-evaluation life
Guess what? It’s the beginning of my mid-semester holiday, starting today – after less than 2 weeks of exam. Mixed feeling now. Not as excited as i thought before. Just relieved. Relaxed. And glad that i can stay away from the notes and books, for the first time in life.
It’s funny though, that i love studying since a very long time ago, and i started losing this passion since the beginning of this semester. So, for this exam, i just forced myself to study, with no soul and no heart. I wonder where my passion goes because i need the determination that it brings. I wonder whether it’s because i have not been having enough rest, as in long rest, since i did not really give myself holiday to recharge myself. I was busy with the 2 units i took during the 3-month break as well as working as a part time research assistant. Maybe my lack of focus is an indication of how tired i am. I need a rest seriously.
Yes, i always think that lying on the bed is a waste of time. Yes, i sometimes even think that watching a silly movie is a waste of time. And yes, i sometimes think that daydreaming is bad. But i think i need to reconsider these. I need to re-evaluate my perspectives. People often tell me that i am too stressed out all the time. They tell me that i should know when and how to relax myself. They make sense. I should not have held myself too much. I should be enjoying my life more. But at the same time i have to be able to manage my studies so that it will not be affected. This seems to be so idealistic, if i can do it correctly.
But i failed. For this semester. I have tried so hard to juggle both areas. I think i am still in the process of learning. And this is only part of the process. I learn something really important during the semester: HARDWORK DOES NOT EQUATE SUCCESS. So do not be hardworking and expect to get what you want. It doesn’t work that way. We need to WORK SMART. One can spend only half the time understanding one concept while others can use the whole day. Efficient studying is important. Need to learn to master it. It will be even more important at workplace.
Also, plans do not work all the time. You can have a future that you want in mind and it might be so great that you will want to start realising it now. But on the way towards the dream, you might discover more and learn about yourself and how you actually feel about it. And you will realise that you have been on the wrong track all the while. Then, you wish to reverse the time and follow the alternative path instead. Life doesn’t work that way i gotta say and unfortunately the only way to overcome it is to get over it, learn the lesson and look forward life. Since life does not go backwards, the only thing we can do is to do better in the future. Let time takes away the pain and suffering. It’s easier said than done. But that’s the only solution and we have no other choice if we don’t want to regret for the rest of our lives.
Life goes on. If other can survive through hardships in life, why can’t I ?
