a new approach to life
Unofficially graduated. It has been more than a month now since my last paper. I remember that I actually felt empty, like all the other previous papers. But this time i also felt ‘lost’ like i don’t know what to do next.
I have always been dragging this issue. Of what i really want to do after i graduate. I did find out but never did i think that it would come so fast. I knew that some day i will be like now trying to answer my destiny. But just never expected it to happen. I suppose everyone knows that feeling when u realise that its time to make big decision in life. To some this might be just some small step in life. But its not like that for me. Maybe it’s because of my personality. I have to admit that i am not a person who likes to take risks. Yes no doubt i love challenges. But challenges without risk cannot be regarded as real challenges.
I was having a small chat with someone that i just got to know. He somehow makes me think about myself. Of what i have been doing all these while besides studying. I stared for a while trying to find the best thing that i have done lately. I tried to think hard of what i am good at and what i do during my past time. Nothing came into my mind. Seriously. It’s pathetic isn’t it. I can’t even think of one achievement. Or one hobby or interest that i have that stays for longer than one year. And i have this bad habit of not finishing something after that i have passionately begin with.
The irony is that i like to learn new things. Gain new experiences. Explore new interests. But these are simply contradictory to who i am, still, n0w. I always opt for change. And i know that i am on the way, just not as committed. I think that i think too far and this creates an obstacle for me to even reach there. I need to be able to think, make the decision, accept the consequences that it might lead to and take one step at a time.
I also realise something really funny about myself. It’s like a self-defence or what. I tend to get away from people who try to get to me. Simply put, i avoid people who treat me well. I have the mentality that i don’t deserve to be treated this well most of the time. Maybe it’s the way that i was brought up or maybe it’s because i simply scare to get close to people. Still learning about myself on this.
It’s time to have a new perspective in life. To see it in such a special way that no one else could. To appreciate the people and the world around me. And to be someone whom i have always wanted to be.
A constant reminder to myself: life is a journey in which you pick up valuable lessons and memorable experiences on the way.
